Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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