Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
