I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
