I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
