literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
