neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
