I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
