she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She's the barista slut.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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