mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
