I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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