There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Dignity is for republicans.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
