Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
