yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
