So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
