Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
