I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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