woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
