You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
