I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
BRING THE BAGELS
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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