dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Randomize
