my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
