When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Dignity is for republicans.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
