Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
