The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
