ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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