Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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