You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
