please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
