dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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