Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
