I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
