you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
