I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
