they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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