So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
