I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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