I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I wear drunk well.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
