there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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