There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
