guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
