I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
