Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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