I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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