I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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