explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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