Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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