i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
