She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
