life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
