did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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