This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
