Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
