The maid of honor just puked.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
