all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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