hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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